Sigh

Don't you just hate it when you have absolutely nothing to talk with your friends? Even with those you always hang around with? Or is it just me? It sucks big time! No wonder I don't have many friends. Because I'm such a boring person. I can't carry out a conversation for more than 10 minutes. Imagine that! I have very very poor social skills, I always stutter, what I say doesn't make sense, most of the time. I bet most of my friends would agree to that. However, they won't admit. I don't blame them. They're just being nice. Well, at least exam's are over. Hah.

One thing's for sure, Jesus still loves me. I feel that God is trying to tell me something through all that I have been through. You see, I always judge people based on their outward looks, and you know the verse that says something like "don't judge others or you will be judged with the same measurement" or some sort? Yeah, so whenever I dress up for an occasion, I don't feel confident about how I look, in pictures for example. I DO NOT look good in pictures especially with a group of friends. I just don't. Everybody can tell. I just know it. It feels like I reaped what I sowed.

I lost all my confidence ever since I stepped into secondary school. It vanished into thin air *snaps fingers* just like that. I need to be strong, stand on my own grounds. The devil's attacking me from every angle possible and I'm standing there. Not doing anything. Not praying.

How am I going to face the world when I leave school? I don't wanna be a lone ranger.

Lord, I need to have a right heart whenever I meet people. I need to have my confidence back. I need You. Alright. I think I get it now. You purposely put problems in my life so that I would look to You, think about You, and live only for You. I really want to be myself when I'm around people. I want to have a normal conversation with people of both genders. I need to practice my communication skills. I want to be like jie jie who can relate to anyone about anything. Do you think it's best if I keep quiet all the time? Are you trying to teach me that I don't have to be so outspoken until someone recognizes me? Are you saying that keeping quiet is the best thing to do even if nobody notices me? OK, if that's it, I'll accept it. Good night.